Week 5, Tuesday:

Another tiresome hero and his entourage today.  This one seemed to have dug deep into the dregs of cliche, for he had assembled a party consisting of a buxom female "friend", a magical creature, and a wise dwarven wizard.  The hero and his female were together wearing enough leather to cover a small child, and not much else.  Granted, the female did have fur trim on her leather bikini, but the outfits were still ridiculously chilly looking.

Of course, being rather traditionally inclined, they immediately headed for the Dark Citadel with cries encouragement and bravado to each other.  Truly, their stupidity is astounding.  Think of this logically.  The small cottage with a white picket fence is much more suspicious than the towering black spirals of the Dark Citadel next door, for what sane-minded person would live that close to a dark lord's castle, in the middle of a wasteland, and have the gall to put up a white picket fence?  The answer to that is all too obvious.  Me, of course.

The Citadel is just a facade.  Inside the hero will find no monsters, tortured souls, or dark lords.  He will in fact find several enigmatic signs, which, if followed correctly, will direct him to my cottage, if only because I like a challenge.  If followed incorrectly, they will land him in a self-sealing room equipped with toxic gas.  Unlike many of my predecessors, I have neglected to equip these rooms with a countdown, clearly marked escape hatches, shutoff switches or indeed, any way to escape.  Some heroes have thought this very unsporting, but they never complain for long.

This particular hero must have met his match in the words exceeding three syllables on the signs, for he never exited the Citadel.  I shall have to have Henry run down later and dispose of them.  Maybe after I finish my tea...

~Dark Lord Sangrento